I’ve struggled with this question for years. I studied to be an illustrator, focusing on children’s book illustration at a time when picture book publication was decreasing drastically. I would still like to have my work published but that is no longer my main criteria for success. For me, success will be telling people I am an artist without feeling like a fraud and being accepted into the artist community. Obviously, selling my work frequently would help with my self assessment; in this economy where art is a luxury item, that’s not likely to happen without some work in the marketing department.
I’ve taken the first step toward validation; I rented studio space and began participating in First Friday Art Walks here in Raleigh. I never settled into my first studio very well. I wanted a haven, a retreat to go to on a regular basis where there were other artists working and all I was responsible for would be my books. I had a lovely room with lots of windows and natural light (when the sun was out!). I moved in in October, the sun rarely shone and the studio was dark and cold (my eyeballs got cold!). The other artists had daytime jobs so I was there by myself except for the landlord’s wife. She’s a print maker with an attitude that was surly at best. She wouldn’t let me decorate my studio the way I wanted to and made fun of my work. First Friday was the main focus of the building, turning the space into galleries instead of working studios. I felt a lot of pressure to produce new collections of work each month and didn’t have the time or energy to work on my books. Long story short, I got out of there! I wanted to give up but I felt that I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t try again in a more positive atmosphere.
I have been in my new studio at the Carter Building for two years now. I share a two room studio with two other women. and it is wonderful. It took awhile for the fear of showing my work to subside but I enjoy First Friday now. I don’t work at the studio, I’ve found that I work best at home and that’s okay. My studio mates both paint there so it has a creative feel that I find nourishing. I’ve finally settled on a medium that I enjoy, hand coloring black and white photographs with colored pencil, so I am not bouncing around from one medium to the next. I still paint in watercolor and do pen and ink but I am happy to stay focused on colored pencil for now.
I have made it past another big hurdle; I am finally comfortable using the appellation ‘artist’ among family and friends. Yesterday I was taking a computer programming class and we had to introduce ourselves and tell what we did, it was the first time I have introduced myself as an artist! Proclaiming myself an artist around all those good artists out there still makes me very nervous……
I have found that the best way for me to grow personally is to journal. I have books full of my thoughts and frustrations, some whiney and some full of dreams. It makes sense to combine my writing with developing a web presence. I promise not to whine (at least not much). I know that keeping this journal will help me in my quest; I hope that those that stumble across this will in some way benefit too. Sharing the journey will be hard but nothing comes without hard work!
“Fear begins to melt away when you begin to take action on a goal you really want.”
Robert Allen
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